Currently Listening Wake Me Up When September Ends By Green Day see related

...20th September 2005...

For the pass week and this week i've been totlely stressed out...i've been totley wash out with family probs,studies,friendship probs and financial woes...my life have been such a mess that i've lost my genuine smile...it's been always a smile on my face eventhough my heart is like aching with thoughts of this n dat...sigh~

since last monday i've been having exams...my major finals which i did terribly...especially on tuesday i was so stress bout my english paper cauz it's the only subject that's surpose to pull my grades up that i actually forgot to write my name on my essay paper cauz there was not enough time!omg.........i could not sleep the whole night thinking of my carelessness....then my history was a sure fail paper...i did study on it but where i enter the class my head was like blank and i was  trying so hard to think back all the facts that i wrote tons of crab...the objective paper had many mistakes....OMG...i feel so....
Then today was my chemistry paper...i am really disappointed with it!
i knew i could not answer paper 2 but i was so confident in paper 3!but how could i get 1 very important question that cost me 3 marks Wrong!!3 marks that can determine if i fail or pass.....omg....after the exam when i look thru my reference for "perubahan warna pada takat neutral utk fenolftalein" the answer was merah jambu pucat.,........at that moment i wish i could just die....i wrote dat answer at 1st but was confuse btw it n metil jingga so i change my answer to jingga....
i felt like crying while i walk back home alone........im so disapointed with myself....then i also came to know today that ive really fail my history paper......ahhhhh...i feel like banging my head on the wall........................................this time the only paper i could feel was ok is my add math paper....im quite confident in this paper and i think i will get a double digit mark for the first time....if i don't then i seriously dun 1 2 live..........just wanna die....hide away in darkness forever.....tomorrow is my physics paper and all the calculations once again.......im so tired and just cant wait for my exams to over but at the same time dun want them to be so fast over cauz i just cant face the results yet................

my life has been totle turmoil at the moment.....just can't find any1 sensible enough to actually take me seriously went i actually so need sum1 to lend me a ear and a shoulder to rest on.........everyone keep telling me its just a lil problem la...bla bla bla....i Just want you to listen not to tell me how small prob is it or wat eva.................sigh....................i wish there was some1 i can hug and cry..........

mummy n daddy relationship is cracking up each day....i can feel dat daddy is just standing up to mummy's temperment bcauz of me....i just can feel that their marriage is craking up but i cant do anything....and the stupid bitch has cauz enough prob b4 she went back to her darling Canada....Damnit!mum now talks bad bout malaysia,and how she wants me to study hard so i can work in another country and then help her migrate over there.........why?what wrong with my mum!!!!!!!i love malaysia......malaysia is such a nice place to live and have always been my home....i DONT understand my mum!!!!!!!!!
is she even my mum????ive had enough stress through out this week and a fever and dizzy spells through out last week till today but does she knows?no she dont,all she knows is nag bout how a failure i am and how great my cousins are.....dats all she noe how to do...im so tired~~~

then friendship prob.......for the pass weeks my hatered for jack chew has been adding up....omg.....i just hate him week after week....i cant even stand to even look at him and i can say he is the first guy in my 16 years of life that brought tears of unfairness streaming down my cheeks....i HATE him.......

then my sch fees have yet to be paid....my teacher has actually send daddy a red warning letter and that letter had been in my drawer for almost a month....i still have not show daddy the letter more over mummy....daddy have enough to think bout financial at this point and if i tell mummy bout it,mummy will bang daddy bout it n i noe daddy hates it....
i have my tuition fees dat hav yet to be paid too....it all come up to a totle of RM150...where am i going to find such a huge sum?????i only get RM100 a month minus the class money dat need to be paid and on saturdays going to basketball and eating lunch and on sundays taking bus to church and lunch.....im only left bout RM40....how.....

i just wish the earth would just swallow me up and cover all exsistence of me ever on this earth and a rain dat will rain to wash away every memory of me....im so tired....tired of pretending sum1 im not...im trying to not pretend but its so hard.....even when im at home i have to pretend....just so tired....an actress acting almost every minute in 10 years of life....why must financial and religon be the main topic in  my life since i was a kid?
damn mum's side looks down on daddy cauz daddy earns much less then them and say things to mummy making mummy nag at daddy and bang at daddy and compare daddy....but i know daddy have been working very hard....i know daddy really want to earn a lot of money....its just that daddy's luck have been bad....i really love daddy....
daddy is reasonable and loving....daddy looks at the big picture before making any conclusion while mummy is just the opposite.................sigh~
if they do divorce which i know is just something sooner or later.......i would choose loving daddy over power&money hunger mummy....sorry mummy but you and me were just never destined to be a loving daughter and mum.....never......im sorry but im not a good daughter any way.....that you've always find other ppl son or daughter much better then me.......i would like to tell you that i wont mind if you adopt a daughter or son....i would yet love them as my bro or sis even if you will love them only and not me.......

-lost&tired-

Best of the best Luck goes to my friends sitting for their STPM trials...
-YWH-
-TWY-
-E-
-MH-
-ZYWE-
-CWP-

Best of Luck goes out to my friends sitting for SPM trials...
>AOTH<
>KTTM<
>LKH<
>KEW<
>WKH<
>FKH<
>HJL<
>BKS<
>KCLS<
>JWSC<
>RM<
>LTY<
>HWC<
>LCS<
>GCW<
>SCWD<
: FW :
: GYSH :

Currently Listening Someday By Britney Spears see related

...10th September 2005...

phew...what a long 3 days have it been...with finals around the corner,my emotion is like a sea,sometime low tide sometime high tide...

I've got so many chapters to cover and so little time...sigh~
especially my add maths...i just hope to get double digit marks for my finals,not even looking into passing the paper...

today i went to basketball practice and did not go to sch...ponteng sch...

basketball was great!today i was in a 3 on 3 match...4 guys 2 gurls...
i was against my heng mui in d game...in the end my team won,15-11...it was really a close game...at 1st my team was losing but after the first half,making new tactics..we started leading and won...in my team there was this very tall guy!he is very good in basketball...he could slam without jumping!he just had to push the ball into the ring...
he is like the tallest in the court and his biceps n triceps was like *...hot!*
yet his looks was only "ok-la"...he look is very "messy".i dun think he had shave for like a week.....yet he is wayyy good in basketball...i was terrible at the game!im like only good at marking my best friend and re-bound...my shooting is still terribleeee...i did not manage to enter even 1 shot...argh!
tomorrow i've to go for basketball again,coach is gonna be around...i hope i dont disappoint him...ive been trying very hard but my shotting and dribbling is like still the same...sigh im so disappoint with MYSELF!
after basketball me,HWC and YMK went to mamak...suddenly 2 girls pop out from
no where...looks like this 2 have been sneaking out of sch since they were in sch uniform^^hehe...naughty naughty...u 2 know who R u 2 la...

then i came home and on music to train on my cheerleading and create new erotic dance moves...but i was really tired cause-ing my actions to mix up and altogether messy and not in beat...i gave up after 3 songs and went to take my shower and then sleep for about 2 hours...*yawnz*

then mummy came back and woke me up...screeching away asking me stuff making me like so blurr and asking me to study...boringz....

after an early dinner i studied my komsas and now im taking a break by blogging...

oh ya...update on the bitch...she did not follow my mum back from Penang...wohooo for me...my silent treatment works...she is gonna go back to her bloody Vancuver on the 16th of this month...

oh ya...not leaving out one incident dat really effect me today...
well,i was practising shooting went a guy asked me whats my name and had a chat with me,his english was not good but he did not show that he was ashame of it at all...then later he asked me if me n my friend would like to have a match with him and his friends...i was uncertain and shy at 1st but yet i answer him and notice that he was a great guy to talk to and i was really taken away by this guy's spunk!and he did not even look down at us as "girls"...
i really give high honours for this type of guy!not leaving out the tall guy dat i mention earlier in this blog,eventhough he notice that i was not very good in my basketball skills,he still passed the ball to me a few times...wat a gentleman!my top honours goes to this 2 guys!and the times went my ball did not manage to score both guys still clap and say it was a good one...at the end the 2 guys even said they would like to have another game with us 2 girls sum other time..CooL!
WHY cant there be more guys like the 1st guy?...geeeeshhhh...

okla blogging off for now...need study tonight b4 sleeping...need get up at 6.30 tomorrow to go basketball...lalalala...

-final-